Wright Chatter: Barry the Seagull Sentenced

After being mentioned in all social media I have access to, it's time to post a report here on Blogger of the events concerning a seagull by the name of Barry. This seagull stole goldfish from our goldfish pond a few weeks ago, and after an extensive search throughout Eastbourne and the surrounding district was eventually captured by Detective Chief Inspector Gregory Haddock.

I reproduce below a copy of the script of my Audioboo post, to place you in the picture of the scene at Eastbourne Crown Court.

Good morning.

This is Wonderful Radio Eastbourne on 266 metres, you’re swinging station, playing only the best in rock and roll.

Unfortunately, our record player is broken, so you will have to listen to me for the next three hours, talking utmost dribble. If we can prize our engineer out of bed maybe our next programme at 11 o’clock will feature our dog Simba playing much more hit music. If the engineer stops in bed then it’s Simba telling us tales about his adventures during his daily dog walks.

But now, as the time fast approaches 9.43 on this Saturday morning it’s time for the 2 o’clock news. This is Frederick James Eastbourne reading it.

At Eastbourne Crown Court today a seagull by the name of Barry was found guilty of stealing goldfish from our goldfish pond. In evidence given to the court Detective Chief Inspector Gregory Haddock presented pictures of Barry with orange tinges to his beak, a tell-tale sign that he had been the culprit that carried out the offence.

Later in the hearing Miss Laura Jellyfish told how she was awoken by the commotion of Barry stealing the goldfish from the pond in the back garden of where she lives.

Further incriminating evidence was given by Gee-o-free Whiting, who actually saw Barry sitting on the fence with a goldfish in his mouth, and further saw Barry flying away with said fish when Gee-o-free attempted to get Barry to return the goldfish to the pond.

In summing up the case, Mr Justice Herring said this was an unbelievable crime on fish kind, and he hoped Barry would think long and hard over the years of the sentence passed down to him. Barry Seagull was sentenced to five years hard labour of listening continually to Frankie Howerd sing Three Little Fishes.

Surprisingly outside the court ‘Barry Supporters’ were in force with banners with the words ‘BARRY IS INNOCENT’ and ‘BARRY SHOULD BE A FREE BIRD’.

That ends this news summary, The next news here on Wonderful Radio Eastbourne, will be in 5 hours at 92 minutes past midnight. This has been Frederick James Eastbourne reporting.

That all sounds a bit fishy to me.